Making Friends As An Adult
THE WEEKLY EDIT:
Putting Together: The Purse Drawer
I have a drawer next to our front door with sunglasses, masks, and hand sanitizer but Jess Graves pointed out the life hack that is ‘the purse drawer’ and now I suddenly need to overhaul said drawer to include allll the stuff I take in my purse - lip-gloss, hair ties, kid snacks, etc. I love this idea for both efficiency and certainty that I’ll always have what I need.
Doing: Doctors Appointments
I try to stay on top of my annual doctor's appointments but slacked this year, however, I’m getting them in down to the wire! This week I saw the Derm for a full body skin check and next week I’m getting my teeth cleaned. Phew! Now I just need to get a mammogram in before the year's end and I’ll be caught up. Consider this your reminder to schedule anything you’re behind on.
Buying: Surratt Relevee Lash Curler
This is hands-down the best eyelash curler IMO and somewhere between here and our trip to LA this weekend, it disappeared out of my makeup bag, so I immediately ordered a new one.
Making: Goop’s Slow-Roasted Mustardy Salmon
I love the idea of signature holiday dishes and this salmon has become one of those for me. I’ll be making it again this year.
Easy topics for awkward silence at holiday parties this weekend:
Taylor Swift was named Time’s Person of the Year which is no surprise, but her bangs pulled back in the spread were. And she looks AMAZING! Does this signal a new era?
A judge sentenced a woman who hurled food at a Chipotle worker to work in a fast-food restaurant - pretty funny, and brilliant!
Kids are apparently making businesslike PowerPoint presentations for their holiday wish lists, but what they make up for in computers, they lack in math.
Remember when the critics were dismissive of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, two celebrity teenagers, deigning to create a high-fashion line? The Row did $300mn in revenue this year.
Anyone else read the great Tom Ford interview for GQ?
Speaking of holiday parties, here are six great coffee table books to bring to hosts:
Flowers of Provence by Jamie Beck
The deVOL Kitchen: Designing and Styling the Most Important Room in Your Home by Paul O'Leary, Robin McLellan and Helen Parker
Annie Leibovitz by Annie Leibovitz
Call It Home: The Details That Matter by Amber Lewis
Arranging Things by Colin Kling
Redefining Comfort by Jake Arnold
ALRIGHT, LET’S GET INTO IT:
Making Friends As An Adult
The year was 2021. Life was closed down around us and we were all in isolation in more ways than one. That’s when we decided to pick up and leave our Los Angeles life, finding ourselves in an entirely new world of Santa Ynez. A world far from the relationships I had spent 30+ years building, as I grew up in LA and returned for my adult years after college.
Until moving to Santa Ynez, I hadn't been in a situation where I knew no one since moving across the country during my senior year of high school. But unlike high school, I wasn't surrounded by hundreds of other people my age, some of which were actively looking for friends. I was living on a secluded former rose farm, with two very young kids, and my closest friends 130 miles away.
Honestly, before our move, I didn't stress about my friendships as much as I did once I got settled in SY. I figured friends would visit, I'd be back in LA often, and I'd meet people easily. What I didn't take into account was:
1. It might be easy to meet strangers, but it's hard to make friends as an adult.
2. I needed more than my occasional visit with LA friends.
And while escaping LA was a positive factor in our move, I didn't realize how far those 130 miles would feel.
Even as COVID restrictions started to die down, my calendar remained empty. The spontaneous weeknight girl's dinner or the easy Sunday hangs with friends who felt like family were no longer happening. Seeing our family on a whim, who lived down the street from us, now took planning. The dozens of event invitations that overwhelmed me were no longer a contemplation and the shift from a packed schedule to zero on my calendar hit me like a million, really really lonely bricks.
After all, science is proving that 'out of more than 100 factors for depression, social connection was identified as the strongest protective factor. Loneliness and social isolation in older adults have also been linked to heart disease and increased risk of dementia.'
So today, I want to share some of the ways I met people once the loneliness hit an all-time high. It was hard at first, but honestly, making friends as an adult has been such an eye-opening experience for me.
Not only have I learned the how, which I'll share below, but more interestingly, I found myself diving deep into the question of friendship as a whole, like: What do I like in a friend? Am I hanging out with this person because I'm lonely, or because I'm enjoying myself? Am I truly being myself? Or trying to fit into their mold so they'll invite me out again? And then on the flip side...What do I offer as a friend? Why would someone want to hang out with me?
I think I'll save those questions for another post if you're interested, but today, I'll leave you with tips on how I've met people as an adult.
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