My Midlife Crisis

​THE WEEKLY EDIT:
Wearing: Dôen pre-fall
The only items I can justify buying this time of year are transitional. Pieces that work with sandals and straw bags through summer's end then carry over into fall with the addition of sweaters and boots. Enter pre-fall collections, particularly Dôen and their easy dresses. I ordered Charlene, which is a silky dream, and am eyeing Rhodia and Obelia.

Following: @thisoakhouse
Raise your hand if you’ve loved the homes in Nancy Meyers films?! Me too! Well her daughter, Annie Meyers-Shyer, is renovating a home in Los Angeles and started an IG account called ‘This Oak House’ where she’s been documenting her renovation process. It’s great content if you like home renovations plus I’ve really liked her product recommendations (including the sheets!).

Home: Lands’ End Sheets
The sheets! Annie shared a story about a time when her family rented a house in East Hampton. Over breakfast her mom brought up how incredibly luxurious and soft the sheets were - they were convinced they must have been Frette. So, they stripped the bed to find out and it turns out they were from Lands’ End.

I’d never heard of Lands’ End but fully trusted Annie and her mom so I ordered them (in white) and they are in fact heaven! The bonus: for $12 you can add a monogram which I most certainly did!

Beauty: RŌZ Shampoo & Conditioner
I’ve found my favorite clean shampoo & conditioner to date! One that checks all the boxes: it's not drying, doesn’t leave my hair dull, boosts shine, truly performs, I enjoy the fragrance and when I ran out of it, it was an immediate re-order (the ultimate tell!).

It's from a newer brand called RŌZ (pronounced “rose”) which was created by celebrity hairstylist Mara Roszakis, who set out to create a vegan, organic, sustainably sourced, cruelty-free hair-care line inspired by nature and driven by performance. I've only tried her shampoo/conditioner (but recently ordered the oil - will report back) which is supercharged with the brand’s special ingredient complex of omega-rich walnut oil, antioxidant grape extract, and scalp-boosting frankincense. Its coconut-based formula, with notes of jasmine and neroli, is absolutely lovely leaving my hair silky and clean for days (I'm talking longer than other shampoos/conditioners).

Watching: Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the New York Jets
I love sports, a good sports story, a well-shot documentary, and the sound of Liev Schreiber's voice. All of which Hard Knocks has going for it.

This series will mark the 18th edition of the 18-time Sports Emmy®-winning series. And this year, they're embedding camera crews at the Jets’ training camp in Florham Park, N.J. to chronicle third-year head coach Robert Saleh preparing his team of young emerging stars and prominent veterans -- most notably, four-time NFL MVP, Aaron Rodgers, Offensive and Defensive Rookies of the Year Garrett Wilson and Sauce Gardner, and defensive All-Pros C.J. Mosley and Quinnen Williams -- for the upcoming NFL season.

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ALRIGHT, LET’S GET INTO IT:
My Midlife Crisis

For decades millennials defined culture. We basked in the glory of our youth deciding who, what, and where was cool, built some of the most influential businesses of our time, some of us got married, had children/are planning on it/decided not to. And for those of us born between 1981-1996, we have seen our 20's and 30's lapse or may have turned 40 by now.

I am one of the millennials who hit 40 and leading up to it I found myself in a place I never expected (besides Santa Ynez where we moved during the pandemic). A place that feels so cliche, I didn't believe it to be true. A possible cop-out for something different than it is. But I went through it and I'm just going to say it: I've been having a midlife crisis.

The big MC.

Two words I was having a really hard time identifying until the moment that I did. And it took someone else pointing it out to me, someone who had been there before. It happened in January, at 39.5. I called my husband who was in LA in a total panic. I was hysterically crying which he knew was out of character for me.

"Let's list the house and move back to LA."

"Ok, if that's what you want, let's do it, let’s figure out where in the city we want to be," he replied.

I sat on a wet tree stump sobbing as we began to unpack it all. The gravity of the pandemic, moving and living in Santa Ynez far from the life we had been living in LA, both my girls now in school, trying to get pregnant and it not happening, uncertain of what I wanted next in my career, needing a feeling of purpose, wanting to make the most out of my life and so forth.

He drove home from LA the following day, giving me the warmest embrace upon arrival. A hug I so desperately needed. After we put the girls to bed we continued exploring my feelings and that's when he said it.

"I can say this because I've been there, I think you're having a midlife crisis."

At first, I was taken aback. Me? Oh no, not me. Midlife crisis? I'm not in a crisis. Plus, I'm too young for that. That's some sort of middle-aged...and there it was: middle-aged. If the average woman lives until she's 80 that's precisely where I was. I was suddenly in the middle-age category without realizing I had gotten there. It began to feel a bit more clear.

I woke up the next day needing more info and some resolve. I needed to know if my friends were experiencing these feelings, I needed to commiserate and I wanted solutions. I began firing off texts. Texts to schedule an appointment with my therapist who I hadn't talked to in years and a slew of texts to my closest friends and family asking if they've ever had and/or were having a mid-life crisis.

It turns out that most had experienced, or were experiencing similar feelings. This very human encounter was normal and I wasn't alone. Phew! But why hadn't we been talking about it? We'd attended one another's birthday celebrations, cheer-sing to toasts like "40 and fabulous!" all while staring at our fine lines, longing for the freedom of our 20s, contemplating what the next chapter was.

Can we feel fabulous while also having a midlife crisis? I wondered. 

I certainly wasn't at the fabulous cross-section of my crisis. I was deep in it, lost, and trying to sort through my feelings. Was it being on a farm in Santa Ynez and out of the buzzy LA mix? Was it trying to have a baby for a while and it not happening?  Was it not running a company at the moment? Was it letting go of my “hot girl era” as I watched my once youthful face and body mature? Was it the state of the world? Had social media and the rise of Gen-Z who regularly attack how uncool they deem millennials caused me to spiral? Or was it something that just happens biologically and psychologically around this age? Or maybe it was all of it?

And on top of my head spinning as I tried to compartmentalize, I felt guilty for these feelings. I had all I could ever dream of, which was a solid happy family. Why couldn’t that be enough?

Peak crisis, Patti Quintero, someone I turn to for advice, happened to be in Santa Ynez for a birth. She came over for a visit and I asked if she ever had a midlife crisis. When I shared with her that I was pretty sure I was in the thick of one she dropped some wisdom:

 “Honey, I want you to stop saying crisis and choose the word awakening. You are having an awakening. Feel the feelings, grow from them and when you’re on the other side of this, you will be a different, evolved version of YOU.”

A lightbulb went off. 

I took her advice, dropped the word crisis, and the negative connotation that came with it, and replaced it with awakening and its positive implications.

“I’m having a midlife crisis awakening.”

This simple swap of language did wonders for how I was viewing my experience. I began to see the good in the situation, the lessons I’d learn, and the opportunity for growth.

I continued looking at my life more critically by exploring the big questions:

What does purpose mean to you?
What is your purpose? 
How do you want to design the next few chapters of your life? 
What brings you joy?
How do you want to spend your time?
What is next for you in the more immediate future?
What does your heart want vs. your ego?

And so forth. 

This refreshed outlook coupled with reminding myself that this was a "season of my life and too shall pass" were the two tools I needed to get through it. Asking existential questions meant I wasn’t complacent, I was in pursuit of a life well lived, I’m continuing to evolve, on a path for the next set of my dreams, and working toward new goals. 

Over time, and with a lot of hard days/months (which I still have flare-ups of), the dust began to settle on my crisis. I had gained some clarity on the answers to the existential questions and began to feel ready to turn the page, to enter this next chapter. And maybe even a little, dare I say…excited?!

On July 27th, 2023 the day came and I turned 40. An age that seemed wildly old to me as a child now felt incredibly young. Young yet profoundly awakened.

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MEALS TO MAKE THIS WEEK:
Arugula & Fried Egg Breakfast Sandwich (breakfast)
Roasted Fennel with Parmesan (snack or dinner side)
Crispy Romaine Salad with Soft Egg & Feta (lunch)
Sea Bass with Sicilian Cherry Tomatoes (dinner)
Grated Tomato Pasta (dinner)