The Birthday Text Dilemma

the slow fade of friendships, one birthday text at a time

You know the drill, you check your calendar to see what’s in store for the day, and there it is: the annual reminder of your friend’s birthday. Oftentimes, a friend you never actually talk to. Except, of course, for the annual birthday text.

By the time you’re in your 30s or 40s, these have accumulated. The former co-worker you were inseparable with fifteen years ago but haven’t seen in ages. The once-best friend who is actually a hater. The college girlfriend you love so much but whose presence in your life has been reduced to biannual texts and the occasional bachelorette party reunion. Or perhaps - if you dare - the text with your ex.

One I contemplated sending in my 20s, post-breakup, until my best friend and roommate told me exactly what to write: “Everyone has birthdays. Don’t think you’re special.” Ha! I sent no text. And then, naturally, we got back together for the umpteenth time, my aloofness working in my favor, only to break up again permanently later on.

Which leads to the burning question: at what point do we stop sending these annual birthday texts? Is there a time threshold? A friendship requirement? A hangout minimum? Or is it just a gut feeling? A simple “I want this person to know I’m thinking of them”… or not?