The Unspoken Conflict: Balancing Your Desires with Your Children’s Needs
The Unspoken Conflict: Balancing Your Desires with Your Children’s Needs
finding space for both your dreams and your children’s happiness
THE WEEKLY EDIT:
Watching: Nobody Wants This (Netflix)
I know, I’m late to it but here now and love it!
My Favorite Beauty Sale of the Year: CREDO 20% Off
It’s that time of year, the BEST clean beauty sale: 20% off Credo site-wide! A great time to stock up on any daily favorites and/or try anything you’ve been eyeing. My order: ROZ shampoo & conditioner (refill size), Iris & Romeo mascara, OSEA body oil, Westman Atelier brow pencil (this is new for me), Kosas brow gel, Westman Atelier Super Loaded drops in bronze, Westman Atelier drops in warm peach (I’ve loved the bronze all summer, trying this for fall), Westman Atelier concealer (new to me), Westman bronzer (new to me), Le Prunier Plumscreen, Evolve Together deodarant, RMS oil + cream.
Cleaning House: Laundry Detergent Edition
You know what’s frustrating? Thinking you’re using or eating something clean for your family, only to discover a report that it’s actually not clean. Ughh, this just happened to me with laundry detergents, so I switched this one that’s EWG verified.
File Under Things I Do Not Need, But…The Scarf Sweater
Anyone else having the sudden urge to add a scarf sweater to their closet? Like this for a splurge, this for somewhere in the middle or this for something more digestible.
Links I’d circulate if we were on a text chain:
In Defense of 'Good Enough' Skin (loved this!)
See, not everyone has botox and she looks STUNNING!
Your phone is an experience blocker (ohhh this hit!)
New favorite bra alert
Giving these five breakfast with over 30 grams of protein a go
Feeling the brown suede trend
The flattering Madewell jeans I can’t stop reaching for are on sale
In case you need some no-fail kid dinners
Let’s have an autumn dinner party?
ALRIGHT, LET’S GET INTO IT:
The Unspoken Conflict: Balancing Your Desires with Your Children’s Needs
What’s best for you isn’t always what’s best for your children. And what’s best for your children isn’t always what’s best for you. It’s a challenging theme of motherhood, isn’t it? A conflict that shows up in the big and small moments. Your ambition which keeps you late at the office, stealing hours from pick-up, bedtime stories, and family dinners. The desire to be in the city that fills you with excitement, but doesn’t quite fit family needs like the suburbs. Or perhaps it’s the extra glass of wine while having the best time with friends, but come morning the cab fog dulls your patience when they need you the most. Ahh there it is, the duality of your needs vs your children's, over and over again.
Most of the time, there are easy concessions like skipping the wine, missing the girls’ trip for a soccer game, or investing in their needs instead of vacations and things. But what about when it isn’t as cut and dry? The big things, like accepting a career-defining financial gain dream job, which means missing out on the day-to-day moments of their lives. Or perhaps moving your family to be near a better school, which would require hours in the car for the work commute, ultimately with less time for everything, including them. Or, even more complex, when a marriage crumbles and two adults are faced with an impossible choice: staying together for the children’s sake or parting ways for their own happiness.
Then there are the quieter day-to-day things—the ones that have a persistent low-grade buzz of guilt, such as pursuing a hobby or passion or personal needs that take time away from family. You question whether it’s selfish to carve out time for yourself, or if it’s an important act of self-care that ultimately makes you a better parent. Or even the simple desire for rest, the longing to close the door and escape the demands of motherhood for just a few minutes, weighed against the guilt of missing out on fleeting childhood moments.
Almost seven years into motherhood, and I wish I could tell you that the secret is about finding the balance of the two, your needs and your children, but being a mother isn’t as simple as that. Decisions aren’t always clear, and the stakes feel impossibly high. What might be best for you, the thing that gives you purpose, joy, or peace, may create ripples that affect your children. And the reverse is true—what’s best for them might mean you set aside parts of yourself, leaving you wondering when or if you’ll reclaim those lost pieces. And when faced with those dualities - the clear conflicts of their needs vs yours - it can feel impossible to choose ourselves. Thoughts like, if it’s what’s best for them, it is what’s best for me are natural to feel. As are owning the sacrifices you committed to when having children. And so, many of us put our children’s needs first, and that’s ok, but the truth is, ultimately, both you and your children deserve fullness. Not perfection, not martyrdom, but a life where both your joy and theirs can coexist as you make the best decisions for your team. It’s not always easy, and sometimes the decisions will break hearts. But in those moments, know this: you’re teaching them something profound. You’re either showing them what it means to be a selfless parent (something they may not fully understand until they’re older) OR you're exemplifying how to love deeply, navigate complexity, and make choices that honor both self and family.
Another beautiful post!! 🌸💓
Thank you for taking the time to write w such depth!!
Was just talking to a friend (who wants children) that parenthood feels like a balance between caring for others while still caring for yourself. Not always easy!