End of My Hot Girl Era
As a teen, 20-something, and even 30-something, there's a specific aura, a je ne sais quoi that girls/women exude. It's evolutionary prime time for finding a mate and then...mating. It's when you're at what the beauty standards and cultural standards deem as your peak. Skin is tight, things are perky, wrinkles are rare, metabolisms are fast, collagen is still being produced at a rapid rate, and so on. It's the magical age of true effortless beauty. It's partying until 3 a.m. and then throwing on a little mascara for brunch and still looking incredible. It's the hot girl era.
But as most things go in retrospect, it's also when you take it for granted or have not yet come into the confidence of knowing how beautiful you are.
At that age, it's impossible to fully understand aging and what's coming, like the true feelings that come with aging. You're naively young and beautiful - even if you don't feel it. It's when the cat calls are guaranteed, heads turn as you and your youthful friends walk into a bar, when older women in your family remind you to slather on the SPF and to savor every inch of your perky boobs.
...And then things change.
You settle into womanhood, your body changes, your skin changes, your clothing changes, and the way others view you changes. People start calling you ma’am, there's far less flirtation and there's definitely no carding when you buy wine.
It's uncharted territory of getting acquainted with new features like jowls, crows feet, laugh lines, melasma, and under eye creases. Lines that I've refrained from filling in or botoxing away but most certainly can think about obsessively if I catch a bad glimpse of myself in the mirror or look particularly old in a photo.
Beauty brands, clothing brands and websites that always spoke to me, I suddenly feel disconnected to. Did they always feature such young, poreless, models? Have the dresses always been that short? Where have all the models my age gone? I could have sworn I didn’t feel old shopping here a year ago!
Despite nobody offering to buy me a drink at the bar, I will say, that I see a lot of perks of this new post-hot-girl stage, which I'll share here:
Closing the hot girl era also meant opening a more self-assured one. One where I’m less insecure and much more comfortable in my own skin - something that for me, has come with age.
Less catcalls - because honestly, they might be flattering but most are uncomfortable as well.
People take me more seriously, particularly in business.
I feel sexier and more in touch with my sexuality even though others may find me less sexy now than I was then.
It has forced me to work on prioritizing self-compassion vs. self-criticism - something that’s really important to model for my daughters.
I’ve always found older women to be incredibly chic and interesting to look at. Despite the growing pains that come with letting go of youth, there’s an elegance to the beauty that comes with age and I’m embracing it. I think “quiet luxury,” “rich mom energy,” and “coastal grandmother” are a sign that society is embracing it, too.
I find joy in the maintenance, something I didn't really need much of when I woke up fresh as a daisy. The face devices, the lasers, the graceful aging serums - it’s all so fun to experiment with in moderation.
More appreciation for my body - mostly because it's given our family so much! When I catch myself judging my body, I immediately remind myself to be compassionate for all it has given us.
The days of tight unbreathable mini dresses and blister-inducing high heels are over (hallelujah!).
Knowing what it feels like to age is also knowing that you’ll never be any younger than you are today. Enjoy what you have when you have it!
Another perk of this particular stage for me? Living in Santa Ynez while coming to terms with it! People aren’t obsessed with appearance here, there isn’t an entire industry dedicated to being young and beautiful and face-altering isn’t in the culture. When I’m in LA (which is often), I feel much more aware of it, everyone talks about it and you can’t walk through Erewhon without noticing how tight, bright, and puffed everyone is. It starts to feel contagious and I’ll catch myself looking in the mirror, thinking about how I can better my own face and body. Gahhh the struggles!
How about you - how are you feeling about aging? To botox or not to botox?
MEALS TO MAKE THIS WEEK:
Almond Milk Horchata Shake (breakfast)
Farmers’ Market Frittata (brunch)
Zucchini & Leek Soup (lunch)
The Easiest Shrimp Fried Rice (dinner)
Maple & Miso Sheet Pan Salmon w/ Green Beans (dinner)
Geri my friend! What a breath of fresh air to read this. There is so much to relate to here...whether you’re 30 or 50. Thank you for verbalizing so eloquently the very real feelings, moments and mirror glances we are all experiencing.
No to Botox. But take my reply with a grain of salt. Women in my family age incredibly slowly. I have a few lines around the corners of my eyes but other than that, my skin is still very smooth at nearly 40. I had a client tell me last week they thought I looked 25.
Honestly I think what is truly stopping me from any cosmetic procedure is the maintenance. I don't really want to spend the money or time on it.
I invested in some Chanel ballet flats years ago as a reward for a raise at work. I've pared down my shoe collection significantly since and they have remained. They last forever and they are comfortable enough for me to walk all day in NYC in.