Lessons From My 30’s

I laughed, I cried, I learned, I failed, I succeeded, I changed and I grew. Here are 30 life lessons from the decade.

THE WEEKLY EDIT:
Following: Manon Lagrève
In a sea of IG cooking videos where everything can feel the same, I love a distinct point of view with good storytelling and Manon is that! She’s a “French girl in London” sharing “how to host like a French” with regular recipes full of fresh ideas. Warning: she may have you itching to book a trip to France. 

Reading: Wrong Place, Wrong Time
A girlfriend with good book recs shared this and when I first read the description, I was hesitant, but it had high reviews so I went with it. The premise is actually interesting and unlike my usual reads. I was hooked the whole time, even staying up wayyyy too late a couple of nights to finish. I also found this writer's creativity fascinating. The best kind of book!

Going: William Laman Furniture Garden Antiques in Montecito
Established in 1995, this beautiful shop isn't exactly a discovery but it was new to me. Next time you find yourself in Montecito, pop into William Laman to browse their curated selection of vintage and new furniture/home goods from their buying trips around the world. I bought a hand painted wastebasket for our pink plastered powder room and love the character it adds to the space. 

Buying: Newborn everything 
I’ve refrained from sharing children-related items in the weekly edit but please lmk if that interests you? Otherwise, I’m happy to keep this a kid-free zone but will naturally cover motherhood topics outside the weekly edit. Either way, my current shopping has been completely baby-centric as we prepare for our little guy. Onesies, infant tubs, postpartum personal care, oh my! Please share any recs - I’ve been out of this stage for a while and there seem to be so many new brands/options. Or anything we must have for a boy?

Using: SIDIA The Body Exfoliator 
Between lots of time at the pool and the beach plus the heat, my dry skin has needed a little extra attention.  

Enter: The Body Exfoliant by SIDIA. 

Infused with skincare ingredients like bakuchiol (a plant-based retinol dupe) to firm and smooth, niacinamide to reduce dullness, and gentle rice exfoliators to softly resurface skin (not harsh, nice scrubby grain) - it’s gentle enough for everyday but hard working enough for 1-3 times a week. Beyond how well in exfoliates, I love the notes of Eucalyptus, Tea Leaves, Rose Petals and Matcha - the combination is an energizing experience with each use. 

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ALRIGHT, LET’S GET INTO IT:
30 lessons from my 30s

I laughed, I cried, I learned, I failed, I succeeded, I changed and I grew. Narrowing down a decade (3,650 days!!) of life lessons into a short essay is no easy feat, but I'm going to try! Here are 30 of the big lessons from my 30s:

1. Tap in and listen. 
To your intuition: I stopped ignoring my intuition and fully trusted it - your intuition knows! And it’s always there but it’s up to you to listen. If you don't ignore your instincts, you will have your answers quickly and will be guided down the right path in relationships, life, decisions, work, health, etc.

To other people: Listen and tap into people. Really listen to their words, don’t interrupt them (in fact, give longer pause than what feels natural allowing space for their thoughts to stream - truth unfolds here), pick up on their body language, pay attention to their actions, and most importantly, feel their energy (energy is the most honest it gets). Then take note of how your body and mind respond to them (intuition!). If you feel uneasy, that’s all you need to know. If you feel happy, calm, inspired, etc, you know you’re in the right place/on the right path. 

2. Do it with intention.
Anything you do, do it with intention. I adopted this mantra when I turned 35 and it has served me well. Whether it's something simple like cleaning up the kitchen or big like making a major life decision, doing everything with intention pushes me to be present and intentional with my life.

3. Figure out what makes you feel good.
While my 20s were debauchery and absolutely positively so much fun, my 30s were an exploration of figuring out what makes me feel good. From 21 days of smoothies to detox my organs (with the Clean Cleanse) to exclusively eating warm foods for six months (Ayurveda diet) after a late-term pregnancy loss to learning transcendental meditation to deal with PTSD, therapy, clean non-toxic everything, cryotherapy, deprivation tanks, v-steams, wellness retreats and sober curiosity, you name it, I explored it. And I learned a lot about what I need to do to feel good aka life's work which I’m constantly fine-tuning.

4.  Everything is a season, this too shall pass.
Nothing is permanent. The good, the bad, the highs, the lows, all of it is fleeting and temporary. While I’ve always known this, I didn’t feel it much as I was too busy going, going, going and constantly moving forward but once I got a little older and my life settled, I started to look back on seasons of my life and long for them. College for example, my fun 20s, getting married, being a young mom, etc. 

And on the contrary, when things are hard - sleepless nights with a newborn, challenges with a toddler, grappling with grief, dealing with a crisis, etc. - I like to remind myself that these tough times are seasons/chapters which too shall pass. 

Keeping this top of mind is a nice little way to help savor the highs and get through the lows.

5. Define and honor your personal policies.
Things I may have put up with in my 20s no longer worked in my 30s. Getting super clear about what does and doesn't work for me in relationships, life, work, etc. and then honoring those policies has been life-changing.

6. Stoop to conquer.
Once I figured out that when dealing with others and in chasing my dreams or achieving my goals, I must stoop in order to emerge victorious, everything changed. I let go of my need to win, a need to be right, curbed the ego, and figured out how to harness humility to my advantage. A skill that has helped get me to my destination more efficiently over and over again. A softening if you will.

7. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.
This saying is most commonly attributed to Voltaire. In his poem, La Bégueule, a character notes:

Dans ses écrits, un sage Italien,
Dit que le mieux est l'ennemi du bien.

Which loosely translated means 'the best is the enemy of good.' In other words, don't let your pursuit of perfectionism prevent you from making something good. A lesson that, once I adopted, has helped push me forward in my career, including launching this newsletter.

Another good proverb:
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without." - Confucius

8. Put yourself at the top of your to-do list and everything else will fall into place.
I began to understand this on a cellular level when I became a mom. Between work, kids, and life, I was running on empty and it simply wasn't sustainable. When I began prioritizing myself, everything else was much more manageable.

9. Manage your expectations.
This applies to people, days, experiences, the future, etc. Setting yourself up for realistic expectations is setting yourself up for far less disappointment and a whole lot of delight when your expectations are exceeded.

10. Be unfuckable with.
One of the harsh realities of life is that there are snakes and sharks out there and they will try to eat you alive. Become unfuckable with so that they can’t/won’t. What does this look like? It's different for/with everyone and every situation but IMO, the best way is to prioritize building the best support system of family and friends above all else, keep your side of the street clean, handle everything with grace, be smart, retain good lawyers, walk away from situations in which someone isn't treating you as you should be treated and always continue moving forward pursuing your best life. When you’re so good with who/where you are, nobody can disturb your inner peace.

11. Separate your heart from your ego.
After having my first child, I learned a lot about separating my heart from my ego and how these two things can be in direct conflict with one another. Becoming aware of what my ego wants vs. what my heart desires has helped me sort through my wants and needs. A book that helped me understand this a bit better was ‘A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose' by Eckhart Tolle.

12. Purpose.
Waking up every day with purpose is important to me. Something I learned during my crisis at 39. And purpose is so much more than motherhood or my career, it’s much bigger than that, much more well-rounded. Continuing to define and redefine my purpose is something I’m very mindful of now. 

13. Stay in pursuit of passion.
For me, passion and satisfaction go hand-in-hand. And when I’m not passionate about something, I can feel my light dimming. Staying in pursuit of a passion, no matter how big or small, is one of the key ingredients to my happiness. It’s what keeps me inspired, motivated, enlightened, learning, and growing.

14. Pick up new hobbies.
Continuing on the pursuit of a passion theme, pick up new hobbies and never stop learning. I think the pandemic is a shining example of how important this is, whether it was learning how to bake bread, cook, taking up tennis or signing up for online classes, picking up new hobbies and continuing to learn is great for both our minds and spirits. I picked up gardening (something I never thought would interest me) when we moved to Santa Ynez and was surprised as to how much joy, relaxation and reward it brings me. Plus, you never know what endeavors a hobby can lead to. 

15. Save your money.
We’re in an era of over-consumption and are constantly sold to on social media but the truth is, things don’t make you happy. And clutter weighs you down. Buy less, buy better, and save your money. Peace of mind and security is the best investment you can make and there are great tax benefits to saving/investing. Take a SEP IRA for example; benefits include a reduction in taxable income, tax-deferred compounding, high contribution limits, and a practical way to save for retirement. I started this at 30 and 10 years later, I am seeing the long-term benefits. 

16. You don't regret the things you do, you regret the things you don't.
Book the trip, go on the date, take up the hobby, start the company! I took a lot of risks during my 30s and while there were a lot of failures, I have very few regrets because I tried, which is something very important to me. When I take my last breath, I don't want to look back with regret, I want to feel fulfilled and proud of my pursuits.

17. Friendships and connection.
For the first 30 years of my life, my world revolved around my friends. It didn’t take much effort as we were always together but around 30, my friendships began to evolve. They took a natural back seat as we got married, had children, built our careers, and were wrapped up in our own little worlds. 

My 30s, primarily the pandemic and living in Santa Ynez away from my core people, showed me how important, and how much I NEED, these connections. When I’m less social, my cup isn’t as full.

In fact, in the “blue zones,” where people live the longest, one habit they all have in common is that they value community, strong relationships, and social support.

Valuing my relationships and treasuring the people important to me includes checking-in. Everyone is going through something. And beyond checking in, making time. Take the girl's trip, book the babysitter, visit your family, add time to your calendar to call one person each day, slide into the DM with inside joke memes, call on FaceTime, send flowers on birthdays and celebratory moments, make spontaneous plans, etc.

18. Get everything in writing and invest in legal.
I made the mistake of trusting someone and their word in business once and that will never happen again. It doesn’t matter if it’s friends or family, let me rephrase that, especially if it’s family or friends: get everything in writing and hire great lawyers so that you’re fully protected and don’t get taken advantage of.

19. Closure comes in different ways.
Closure doesn’t always happen the way you might need/want/had hoped for. Sometimes closure is time. Sometimes it's therapy and writing. Other times it's the lack of accountability, the lack of honesty, the lack of care, the lack of self-awareness, the lack of respect, the lack of apology, the lack of doing the right thing.

Whatever it may be, working toward finding closure is important when closing chapters, saying goodbye, and moving forward. Find it somehow, someway and once you’ve resolved it, and it’s out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind.

20. The power of taking a beat.
I learned to be far less reactive in my 30s and one of the ways in which I do this is by taking a beat. A beat can be a few seconds, sometimes it’s minutes, and other times it may be days. Every situation is different but what I can promise you no matter the circumstance, responding with a clear head and not out of emotion, leads to a better outcome. Try it next time you find your blood boiling and let me know how it goes (with your children included!).

20. No response is a response.
Silence can say a lot more than words. Using silence wisely is powerful.

21. Comparison is the thief of joy.
We can all thank Instagram for reminding us how real this is, am I right?

22. Not everyone is going to like you.
I like to be liked and when someone doesn't like me, it used to crush me. I've let go of that. Partially because I'm much more confident but also because I've learned that when people don't like you, it's usually not about you, it’s about them.

23. Know your worth and ask for it.
“Closed mouths don’t get fed."

“Unsaid needs don’t get met.”

Be realistic about your worth, understand your value, properly articulate and communicate, ask for what you deserve/need.

24. Cut ties with toxic relationships and/or create boundaries.
Life is short, there’s no time or room for toxic friends and/or co-workers. With family it can get trickier - the key here is holding boundaries.  And if you’re dealing with someone who has a personality disorder, for example, a narcissist, read books and seek help so you can better manage those people/relationships/your expectations.

Remember, you can always walk away - the game ends when you stop playing.

25. Limit your toxic intake.
Don’t gossip, try not to complain, be mindful of the media you consume (who you follow, what you read/watch, etc.), control your thoughts (“what you think, you become”), reach for good dopamine, limit downers (sorry, this includes alcohol), do what makes you feel good. 

25. Access is a privilege.
Giving people access to you is a privilege. Be mindful, selective and intentional about the people you allow into your life. Choose wisely, hire, fire, and promote accordingly. 

26. Motherhood is really hard.
This may sound like Captain Obvious but I didn’t realize how hard motherhood is until I was in it. Boy was this a big lesson in my 30s. Motherhood is one of the hardest roles I’ve ever taken on and it’s given me a whole new respect for women and our abilities. 

27. Limit your screen time.
Set time limits on your phone, leave it in the other room when you’re with your family, and stop the mindless scrolling. You can’t get those hours of your life back!

28. Stay open to, and in pursuit of, adventure.
The older we get, the more settled into our lives and routines we often find ourselves. Stay open and in pursuit of adventure. Make a bucket list, check it off, try something new, go to different places, switch careers, take on a challenge, seek adventure, and keep life exciting! And bring your partner and/or friends along.

29. Talk kindly to yourself.
The most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves. Yet, we’re often our own worst critics and the hardest on ourselves. Be kind to yourself, you’re in your head all day.

30. Make every year count.
Every year matters! Make them count! Do at least one big thing every year which can help define that year so that at the end of your life, you have accumulated a lot of living. Take the big adventure, pursue a new hobby, start the business, fall in love, have a baby, launch the newsletter, move to a new place, learn a new language, switch careers, write a book, run a marathon, do it all so you’re fulfilled and can look back and know that you “had and did it all.”

Cheers to no regrets!

XX,

Geri

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MEALS TO MAKE THIS WEEK:
Healthy Chocolate Peanut Butter Frosty (breakfast)
Chopped Greek Salad (lunch)
Nori Salmon Wraps (lunch)
Lemon Capellini (dinner)
Halibut and Summer Vegetables en Papillote (dinner)